Subtitles for the Real World

There were two of us on The Shunt's couch the other night, myself and a girl from Manchester. She had much to say, to which I could only offer smiles, nods and the occasional "I see" in return, using the old improviser's trick of acknowledging everything said with the sole aim of moving the interaction forwards. I had no choice in this matter, for the background noise camouflaged her Mancunian accent flawlessly.

Luckily, we were there as part of a group and all I had to do was maintain the illusion of comprehension until the others returned and we all departed for quieter surroundings, where we were able to converse more fluently. But had I been there in pursuit of personal pleasure, things would have been trickier. After all, just what is a deaf guy with a taste for hearing women supposed to do in the noisy bars and crowded pubs of the London social scene?

Sometimes, my cell phone comes to the rescue and we end up typing our conversations across its keypad and handing it back and forth, the modern equivalent of passing notes in class. Other times, it is the perfect excuse to suggest going someplace quieter. But more often than not, it makes the initial introductions just a bit tricky.

Then, there are some women who I can't even take out to restaurants because their voices get drowned out by the orchestra of clinking cutlery and distant conversation. Most frustratingly, lipreading is hardest with the soft-spoken, which means that the practicalities forbid dating certain women, as much as aesthetic and intellectual preferrences would have it otherwise.

Seriously, when is some bright spark going to invent subtitles for the real world?

I shall be watching Engadget very closely.